A few quick notes

It's Tuesday, so you know all I'm thinking about is the impending brain flambe that "Lost" is about to produce in a matter of hours. That said, a bevy of tiny tidbits broke last night, and I don't want to miss out. So...what am I waiting for? Let's do this thing!

1.) - Spider-man is finding things hard suddenly

Yep, that headline was just an excuse for me to post this. Hey, you'd do it too. Turns out that Alan Cumming is out as the Green Goblin in the Broadway version of Spider-man, which I'm convinced isn't going to ever happen. With the music of U2 and Julie Taymor directing, I thought for sure this thing would at least see the light of day, but it turns out that it is waaaaay too expensive, and delay after delay in funding means everybody is abandoning ship as though there was a Lohan driving. My hope has now gone from one day seeing Spidey live on stage in New York to praying that they at least release the U2 music as some kind of CD I can buy and listen to whilst I read Spidey comics. So long as there is some connection between U2 and Spider-man that I can physically see, hold, or listen to, I'm good.

2.) - Bond meets a trap he can't boff his way out of - MGM's bankruptcy hurts a lot of people, so it seems stupid to be complaining about this aspect. Nonetheless, my hide is chapped because Bond 23, the final part of the new trilogy, is on indefinite hold. Much like Spider-man's musical misadventures, funding for the project is tricky when your studio is so deep in the red that Glenn Beck is about to accuse it of socialism (get it, because Red was a slang term for communism, and Beck is a dipshit?). It's not like we're never going to see another 007 movie. We will. It's not like this delay will stretch out for a decade (at least, I hope not). Still, I want the new flick NOW, not later. Stupid money.

3.) Sam Jackson drops bombs of the non F variety - Sam Jackson told IESB that he's not in Thor, no matter what anyone tells you (leaving me to believe the tie-in will be Tony Stark and not Nick Fury in that one), and that shooting for The Avengers is set to begin in February. WOWZA! That's actually quite soon considering the director announcement hasn't officially been made yet, the cast is only quasi-established (we know the four principle actors in Chris Evans, Sam Jackson, Robert Downey Jr, and the guy playing Thor...yeah, I know he has a name, but I'm waiting to see if I need to learn it until after I see him in costume), and the script is under overhaul. It's an exciting time to be a Marvel fan...but it's also a bit nerve wracking. Although I have confidence in Iron Man 2...that's where my certainty ends. Everything else is a thrilling possibility but only a possibility. Stay tuned, true believers.

Whedon fans assemble!

I am not a devotee of Joss Whedon. I do not light candles around a picture of his chubby-bunny face nor do I have any part of me tattooed with his likeness. This does not mean that, as a nerd, I do not grant unto him his proper nerdly respect. I do. Dude killed it with "Firefly" and Serenity. His run writing "Astonishing X-Men" was phenomenal. One day, I'll actually watch the rest of "Buffy" and "Angel," which I know to be good but vampire shit just never hooked me so back off "True Blood." I think he gets characters incredibly well, kicks ass at pacing his stories, and is a big ole fanboy geek just like me. I want to have the proverbial beer with him. I do not want him directing The Avengers, but Deadline says he's going to.
You knew I had to put some art in there, right? First off, how cool is that illustration from John Romita Jr for the new "Avengers" comic? He's just sooooo goooooood. I'd let JRJR direct the movie, I really would. I know that in the movies, Spider-man and Wolverine will not be Avengers, much to the chagrin of Marvel (kind of sucks that you sold off those rights now that Disney's backing you, doesn't it boys?). It just looked bad ass and I wanted to show it here. Second, deep breath yo: I do not think that Whedon will screw up The Avengers. He'll probably do a fine job, especially with the character stuff. Hell, if they let him in the script process (which they'd be fools not to do instead of farming the whole thing out to whatever assembly line they have writing these things), he'll probably help push the script from mainstream tripe to enjoyable fanboy funstuff. He just has absolutely zero experience helming a $150 million budgeted movie that absolutely has to have some crazy huge action sequences. Crazy. Huge. I'm not saying I'd rather have Michael Bay doing it, but I would have liked to see someone with some blockbuster experience behind the camera and Whedon in the writing room. Like I said, despite the hilarious jokes flying around twitter about how now The Avengers will be canceled after the second act, I want Whedon to succeed. I just have some substantial doubts. If he had been brought on to lead an individual movie, say Ant Man, I'd feel great about it, but this is the big time. Plus, we all know how well Whedon and top-level brass work together, right? Joking aside, suits don't get this guy. They may have let Jon Favreau have some leash on the $75 million budgeted Iron Man, but double that and I doubt they're going to feel good about a second-time movie director getting free reign of a franchise they spent 6 years setting up. Just saying, I would have preferred someone with a bit more experience and the filmography to back up his decisions to the execs. That said, there's a nerd in charge of The Avengers. You can't hate on that too much.

I'm back...and more Australian than ever

Award yourself three bonus points if you were able to successfully identify the title of this blog post as a quip made by one of the "Mystery Science Theater 3000" gang during their review of Kathy Ireland's Alien from LA. Anyhoodle, just to give you a quick chance to catch up with what I've been up to since last we cyber-spoke: The University of Nebraska Omaha's forensics team (again, that means speaking and not "CSI" stuff) nailed down their first top 10 finish ever, had their best individual overall student (Allison Henri, who was 16th in the country), and had one student (Cameron Logsdon) win the first individual national championship in school history when he won Program of Oral Interpretation. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, just know that UNO achieved more than I could have dreamed...and last night I had a dream where a monkey milked a unicorn while MC Hammer watched. Now, I've missed a lot of stuff...and I do not have the time to walk through each and every single event that took place. That said, I'm going to do my damnedest to hit the highlights.

I really don't want to overwhelm all of you, so I'm going to do this in the shortest way possible...no, not haikus (although I'm tempted), but I am going to do some rhyming verse. Here goes, I give to you:

Ryan's Catch-Up Column in Rhyming Couplet

This is a small rumor, some would say a nugget
but if it is true, I sure want to plug it.
The word is that Thor may arrive in Iron Man 2,
it wouldn't surprise me, but this may not be true.

Although not a list-topper, Anna Faris is hot,
but when it comes to this news, I could not give a squat.
Ms. Faris will take over where Goldie Hawn has been,
by taking the lead in the new Private Benjamin.

Leonardo DiCaprio may decide to go FBI,
under the direction of another old guy.
This J Edgar Hoover bio will likely be good,
marking a change for Clint Eastwood.

Some remakes are obviously "dead pictures walking"
none are more so than Look Who's Talking.
If the producers would just hold up an iota,
given his choices, they might again score Travolta.

I can't say I know who Sebastian Stan is,
but his agent must be some kind of wiz.
He almost got cast as Captain America, which was lucky,
but was ultimately chosen to be his sidekick, Bucky.

Speaking of Cap, here's some more casting news,
one that will surely make some of you blue.
Cap's girl will be played by someone who's hot,
but one thing I know, Emily Blunt it is NOT.

Although the second one gave me the opposite of pleasure,
it looks like there'll be a third National Treasure.
The movie is supposedly already being penned,
and a nation awaits, to get screwed again.

We're going to see Thor sooner than I thought,
as starting May 5th, we'll see production shots.
Hopefully the images don't make us feel doom.
So much will come down to that silly costume.

George Lucas is back and at it once more,
with another Star Wars project for fans to endure.
He's finally giving fans the thing for which we waited!
A Star Wars TV sitcom that's animated?!?!?!?!

Red Sonja is stuck, in development Hades,
sad news for fans of sword-wielding ladies.
But rumor has it producers are removing these blocks,
and have offered the role to the vapid Megan Fox.

Harrison Ford may be back in the saddle,
helping cowboys against aliens battle!
Starring Daniel Craig, directed by Jon Favreau,
written by "Lost" writers, to Cowboys and Aliens I'll go!!!

That's the best recap I can do in the time and space allowed, folks. I promise not to leave you again for that long...at least not for awhile. Happy Tuesday, I'll be back with "Lost" thoughts shortly.

Ryan's Junk Drawer

Hey everybody, it's Thursday, which means your wait to see my junk is finally at an end! Weekly explanation: My junk refers to movie news tidbits that aren't big enough to warrant their own entire story. It's also just an excuse to make jokes about genitalia, as in: "Everyone should see my junk, it's really spectacular this week...it will likely get you pregnant." Okay, that last part didn't work, but I was thinking about "30 Rock," so I wanted to talk about getting something pregnant. Another weekly game we play is to examine the image above from Highlights Magazine for Children (it didn't specify, but I believe the creepy image above suggests it's actually "Highlights Magazine for Sociopathic Children"). We look at it, pick an item, and make up some chilling and weird story about it...you know, for funsies. Today's item is the game token (looks like a quarter) in the middle. Sam grew up loving arcade games and dreaming of a world just like The Last Starfighter, where he would be whisked away to another space universe and heralded as their champion for his unmatched skill in playing "Space Swords." After spending almost all of his allowance, then half his paycheck, then everything but his alimony payments, Sam finally gave up, tossing his last token in the junk drawer. Sadly, had he played that last game, Gleepglorp from the planet Schlubby would have flown down and retrieved him so that he could help overthrow the evil overlord that was keeping the good people of planet Schlubby enslaved. Oh well!

Here's this week's junk, exposed for all to see.

1.) Mel Gibson is back with Black - Shane Black is directing Cold Warrior, a movie about a Cold War spy who unretires to save the world with a young, nubile co-agent (I may have added the nubile part), featuring Mel Gibson (as the non-nubile one). That was a really long linked sentence. Anyway, this is cool because Black directed Gibson in Lethal Weapon, you remember, back when Mel Gibson was "Action-star Mel Gibson" and not "Mel 'Sugar Tits' Gibson," which is actually a way cooler nickname. Despite the fact that Black did not write the script, it is his first directorial effort since Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which would probably make my top 10 favorite movies ever. Seriously. Here's a clip from it.



As far as who will play the agent who helps Mel's formally retired Cold War spy, it's the usual list of Shias and Ashtons, but I'm holding out hope for Ryan Gosling, who I believe still makes movies but am no longer sure.

2.) Avengers assembled! - In a sure sign that we're headed towards the moment we've all been waiting for (and be "we all" I mean me), Kevin Feige confirmed the lineup for the Avengers movie. According to Feige (which I believe is pronounced like "beige" but I wish was pronounced like "fig") "…its three people, four including Hulk , five including Nick Fury - who you have seen before in other movies, coming together for the very first time." To give you a visual indication, it's the following:

Plus Sam Jackson, lookin' all "patchy." This is good. This doesn't mean that we may not see Hawkeye or the Wasp in a cameo, but I actually think keeping the roster low is a great idea. Not only will it help with believability (barring the Norse God and all), but it helps keep characterization possible, which is nice. More than any other comic book movie, I'm looking forward to this one.

3.) We have a late entry for "Worst Idea Ever" - Miley Cyrus and Demi Moore are making a movie together...a movie called LOL. That sentence should be enough to make most people cry blood and vomit their dreams up. If you had a loved one kill themselves after reading that sentence, I apologize but comfort yourself in knowing that they won't ever live in a world where Miley Cyrus and Demi Moore HAVE made a movie together. The description of the film doesn't do any favors either, so if you're on the suicide fence after what I said earlier, look away. According to Variety, "The pic tells the story of a 15-year-old girl who, dumped by her more sexually experienced boyfriend, sets her sights on his best friend. At the same time, her 40-year-old divorcee mother is struggling to move on with her life. The fraught relationship between mother and daughter provides the film with its narrative backbone, along with the younger generation's obsession with instant messaging." Yep, it's all the fun of text-message conversation combined with Miley "how am I an oversexualized object when I starred in a Disney show and have teeth that would make Mr. Ed shy away" Cyrus and Demi "I'm more robot than woman at this point" Moore. It's based on a foreign film. And by foreign, I can only assume they mean forged in hell. If you make me angry, I will find a way to make you see this.

4.) Knockout's title is seeming more and more apropos - Bill Paxton is replacing Dennis Quaid and Antonio Banderas is joining Channing Tatum, Gina Carano, Ewan MacGregor, Michael Douglas, and Michael Fassbender in Steven Soderbergh's Knockout, a film that sounds like "Alias." On the one hand, the cast is suspiciously interesting. On the other, it kind of sounds like the cast to Vantage Point. I do think that if you can trade a Quaid for a Paxton, it's a good swap (like trading a Kutcher for a Gosling). Plus the script is by Lem Dobbs, who wrote The Limey, which is a great movie nobody saw. I'm cautiously optimistic about this one, but it will probably dovetail into out-and-out nausea when Carano, the former American Gladiator, opens her pie hole in the trailer. Oooh, maybe the script makes her mute?! If not, I suggest a late-hour rewrite, because if everyone else talked and she just kicked people in the dome, I'd be totally pumped. Also, Antonio Banderas needs this to reignite his career so he can get out of the house. Seriously, have you SEEN Melanie Griffith lately? Woah.

5.) Trailers, Parked - Not a big week for trailers...again. So I had to dive deep into my bag of weird shit to find anything fun. What do I have for you? Well, first up is Mother, a Korean film by the director of The Host, which was really quite good. This one does not feature a tentacled beast, or at least I don't think so...



Repo Chick is a spiritual sequel to Repo Man, which starred Emilio Estevez, whose name I don't think I've ever mentioned in this blog (huzzah for a new mention!). This looks like it was made for a buck fifty, reminds me of Tank Girl (which I liked), and seems to be a giant acid trip filmed in front of a green screen. I may see it just to get a legal high.



Cyrus features John C Reilly, Jonah Hill, and the still EXCRUCIATINGLY hot Marissa Tomei (eat it, Demi, she's all natural). I love so much about this trailer, from Reilly's brutal honesty "I'm like Shrek" to Hill's apparent psychosis. PS - I love living in a world where Jonah Hill gets to be famous. That rules.






Okay, that's it. Really epic junk this week, I know. Pass it on to your friends, I'm sure your friends would also like my junk.

Odin's Sweet tooth! Verily, there is an actor change!!

People are reporting on the following news like they could identify either of these actors out of lineup. Stuart Townsend, whose most high-profile project has been his real-life fornication with Charlize Theron, has left Thor, citing that ever-present bugbear "creative differences." Townsend is also slightly famous for playing Aragorn in Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings. Oh, sorry, he left that project just before shooting, too. He was replaced by Viggo Mortensen, and the film went on to be a minor success. Thor is supposed to start shooting today, which means we are close to seeing some visuals from Kenneth Branagh's flick! To reiterate, we won't be seeing any of Townsend, because he was fired...er, had "creative differences." I'd like to point out the very minor nature of this role, by the way. In fact, this part has as much to do with the success of the film as floatation devices on planes have to do with your chance of surviving a plane crash. Just saying.

Ryan's Junk Drawer

Well, it's Thursday...and a blessed Thursday it is. Tomorrow marks my last day pulling the Parton...that means "working 9 to 5," not getting breast augmentation and striking up some bizarre Faustian deal to remain relevant despite sounding like a hack actor auditioning for the role of "rural Mickey Mouse" in a community theater production. That means despite being so far behind on Christmas shopping that I'll be lucky to finish by Independence Day, I'm in a pretty good mood. So today when I take a peek in my Junk Drawer (which is the clever name I have given this column that compiles little baby news nuggets that don't warrant their own post), I'm going to do so with a hop and a skip, because that's what happy people did in the 1940s and gosh durn it, the 40s were a great time (aside from that whole world war thing).

As per usual, we begin by assigning attributes to the junk found in the image above from "Highlights Magazine"...for children. Today's item is the Peso found in the upper left corner. When Claude realized that HE had never been to Mexico, but remembered that after his wife's "trip to see her mother in Vancouver" she was rather tan, he thought that maybe his marriage vows weren't so sacred after all. Don't worry, though, it was an "opposite sex" marriage, so it was all cool.

Here's the movie tidbits that weren't able to roid up fast enough to become big movie posts of their own:

1.) Sing, sing a song, sing it betterthanx-menoriginswolverineplease - When compiling the top 10 movies of the last decade (foreshadow, foreshadow...it comes out next week), a task only slightly easier than convincing Ben Nelson that he was, in fact, elected as a democrat, choosing just one superhero movie was difficult. One of the films on that "super" shortlist was X-Men 2 (I know, a shocker Electra didn't make the cut, huh). X2 didn't make it, but if it had, it would have been largely due to Brian Singer, who proved that he can make a great superhero movie...and that he can make a supremely boring-ass superhero movie (Superman Returns was on FX the other night...within the first half hour I was considering "Two and a Half Men"...nothing should make me consider "Two and a Half Men"). Provided Singer remembers that superheros have and can actually use their powers and that, although we like what makes them human we also like what makes them not so human, news that Singer is returning to the X-Men franchise is a good thing. On the red carpet for something (seriously, there are so many red carpets it's a wonder we're not all on one right now..actually, are you on a red carpet right now, because that would be cool), he flat-out stated that he signed on to direct X-Men Origins: First Class, which will be a Wolverine-less prequel to the first X movie he directed. There are all sorts of franchise hopes and whatnot, but I'm just hoping we don't get a cast of CW cast-offs running around lusting after one another and TALKING incessently. I mean, who doesn't love to watch a movie of intensely powered beings talking to one another. Ugh. Someone ought to make Singer watch Superman Returns about 40 times while yelling "LOOK WHAT YOU DID" to guarantee he won't do it again. At any rate, this is potentially good news, but the film is still owned by Fox, so they'll do something to biff it up before you can say "Deadpool's mouth should be sewn shut."

2.) Bad John Travolta movie saves us from bad John Travolta movie - I'm pretty sure that strange sound you heard today was a choir of angels singing on high. Oh, not because of any impending holiday, but because Variety reported that Wild Hogs 2 is dead. In what can only be described as the best thing to happen to humanity since Kevin Costner's fame was revoked, the complete lack of popularity of Old Dogs killed Wild Hogs, which sounds like a revenge scheme crafted by Dr. Seuss. Even though technically these were different franchises, they shared a number of similarities, including John Travolta, a hack director, and a complete lack of anything resembling quality. Disney has been purging films from their upcoming release list like The Others purged Dharma employees on "Lost" (can you tell I'm hungering for that series to return?), and this seems like a good cut. So, good riddance terrible sequel! I hope you soon have company in hell, as many more of your brethren are slain.

3.) Maybe the second time is the charm? - Sometimes two really hot people make an ugly baby. This is the explanation I'm working with for why Date Night with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell looks as hilarious as a grim rectal exam finding. And just like how people with ugly babies don't realize they made an ugly baby, Fey and Carrell seemingly don't realize they created something unholy and unfunny because THR is reporting that Mail-Order Groom may reunite the two. The hilarious concept (sarcasm hand is raised) sees Fey as an unwed woman (get it, she can't find love...any chance this character conceit is getting old for her) who in an act of desperation buys a groom from some Eastern European country. Oh, goodness! It combines the humor found in purchasing other people like property AND likely deploys horrid ethnic stereotypes. Hooray! Sadly, I'm already looking forward to seeing it more than their first endeavor.

4.) This character name is too easy to joke with - If you're not watching "Superhero Squad," Marvel's shrunk-down kiddie cartoon version of The Avengers, you should be. Today, Thor quipped "By Odin's spork" and yesterday, when Hulk was told he was the MVP, he yelled "Someone call doctor, Hulk caught MVP." That's funny, yo. I bring this up because we keep getting more and more Thor casting. As you know, the film already stars the hottiest of all hotties, Ms. Natalie Portman (picture mandatory)

Now Variety is reporting that Renee Russo will play Frigga, wife of Odin, mother of Thor. Don't forget that Russo was not-so-long-ago a woman many men would like to Frigga. Check her out.

So Thor is going to have some mommy issues.

5.) Trailer 'SPLOSION - While you were looking the other way, they went and dumped off two AMAZING trailers. First, Iron Man 2, which looks every bit as drool-worthy as you'd guess. From Downey Jr's one liners to the clearly amped up action, I'm guessing this will follow the Marvel tradition of having a second movie that is TRIUMPHANT (X2, Spider-Man 2) before falling to crap (X3, Spider-Man 3).



Then there's Clash of the Titans, which I can't help but lust after. Not only does it appeal to my Harryhausen monster love, but it appears to be totally Del Toro-ized. I absolutely cannot wait to see these movies. Next year could be a really good one. See for yourself.

Okay boys and girls, that's it for my junk. See you tomorrow for the end of the week. Huzzah!

Weird Holiday News Week Volume Three: This doesn't fit my theme

Okay, so this is really just a regular type post in which I speculate about some actress taking on a role in a superhero movie and it in no way really fits the theme I've created. You know what, nobody's perfect, okay. Nobody. Certainly not that mythical ex-boyfriend of yours who did nice things for you that I don't do. I know he's made-up. Anyway, here's your regular (sigh) movie blurb. Kat Dennings, who is endowed with a Scarlett Johnasson-ian degree of actressly gifts, is in Thor. That much we know. Doing what, well, that's the question. Presumably she'll be looking seductive.

But that just makes good common sense. The word on the street is that she may be playing "The Enchantress," which is a fairly throw-away villainess, but I like the idea of her playing Hela, the queen of the Norse Hell. First off, she's got that dark vibe about her (despite playing the lead in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist which, screw off, I liked). Second, she seems inherently naughty. I don't know what it is, maybe it's how she's drawn, but I'm thinking that I would rather see her be a central role in a big way than some dumb little villain. Oh, there's also a chance she's just taking on a role like "sister to the main female lead." That would be less exciting, except that the female lead is Natalie Portman...so, you guessed it, PICTURE TIME!

I know this post is a little out of what I intended. I don't think you mind.

Anthony Hopkins hams his way to Godhood

There are two kinds of Anthony Hopkins roles: creepy restrained (that eventually spills over into crazy over-the-top hamminess) and over-the-top hamminess. Having lowered himself in recent years to doing whatever he's asked to do (don't get me wrong, I want to see Wolfman but...SIR Anthony Hopkins is starring in Wolfman?), Hopkins has now landed the most coveted of all paycheck movies: the superhero movie. Don't worry, Hopkins isn't Tobey Maguire's Spider-man replacement (although, the thought of that just made me giggle and titter...I gittered). Instead, Variety is reporting that Sir Hams-a-Lot will be playing Odin, Thor's papa in the upcoming Marvel comics movie. That's cool, really, as Hopkins looks the part and will have no problem spouting off the odd and inexplicable Shakespearean accent that the Norse Gods are given in the comic books. Plus, Hopkins is now tied to the best use of a body part in an exclamatory phrase. Let me explain: When Thor gets frightened or angry, he swears "By Odin's BEARD!" This is kind of hilarious to me. It'd be like if I got frightened or angry and declared "By Roy Syrek's NOSTRILS!" It's just random and hilarious. So, there you go Anthony. You may not have sniffed Oscar's odor in a decade or so, but you'll be forever associated with a strange hat-wearing blonde Norwegian yelling about your facial hair. Huzzah!

Kirb your enthusiasm

If you're a fan of Marvel Comics (I cannot fathom the subhuman pig person who isn't, so let's just assume you are), you have respect for Jack Kirby.
The man was, in this Marvel Zombie's opinion, the most influential and important comic book artist of all time (suck a duck, Todd McFarlane). Thus, today's news about Kirby troubles me. I'm divided worse than those issues of the Incredible Hulk when they split Bruce Banner and the green monster, I'm more conflicted than the Silver Surfer's sexuality, I'm more confused than Thor's word choice, I'm more troubled than Peter Parker after finding out that Harry Osborn was riding the heroin train to Whitney Houston-ville, I'm...you know, I could do this all day. You get the idea. See, Kirby's estate, having seen how Seigel and Schuster's estate (the guys who created Superman), is now suing Marvel and all related enterprises to get some of the rights to these characters back. Virtually every character in that picture up there (save for Spider-man, who was co-created by artist Steve Ditko) is up for grabs. I'm not sure how I feel about this, as it seems from various reports that Kirby's departure from Marvel wasn't a straight-up case of him getting jobbed by the company but more of a creative difference kind of thing. Plus, unlike the Seigel and Schuster families fighting together, Stan Lee co-created almost all of those characters and is STILL at Marvel. Then again, the Kirby estate got the lawyer who just WON the Seigel and Schuster case, which is going to have very, very serious and real implications for how and when you see Superman (if you do). The whole thing is far too troubling for a simple man who just loves his comics and comic movies. Really, it just makes me sad because I love everyone involved. Why do mommy and daddy have to fight? Is it because I'm bad?

When will I NOT write about Natalie Portman?

Let's get something straight: When there's news about Natalie Portman, I'm going to run it. When Natalie Portman does virtually nothing of consequence, but still can do this with her face:



I'm also going to run it. Thankfully for those of you who still consider this site to be a place of modest information alongside immodest cursing and vulgar speculation, there is a bit of news to go along with the above image (despite my assurance to you that there need not be for me to opine for several hundred words about what lingers above). Everyone on the whole Internet is reporting that this lovely lass:



(hominahominahomina) is going to star in Thor as the blonde-haired chunk-a-burnin' man's human love interest. I'm not sure how this is going to work because, in the comic, Thor turned into a regular dude named Donald, and it was Don who bagged his nurse (to ironically be played by the goddess above...whose eyes could command me to commit a litany of illicit activities should she so choose, seriously I just committed arson because I thought it's what she would want). Rumor has it that Donald is not in the script...so does this mean that Nat will be gettin' with a full-on, ridiculous hat-wearing God? A guy who looks like this?

With apologies to my man John Romita Jr (who straight-up drew the shiznit out of the guy in that cover), his costume is so ridiculous, I buy him as a viable superhero almost as much as I buy Ann Curry doing the news (one day we shall battle, Curry...one day). Still, if Natalie WANTED to bag herself a dude who looked like this, she could, as I'm pretty sure she could seduce a building should she so choose. Also, Jessica Biel (who many people freak out over as well, but I'm a one-gal obsessive) is rumored to have a part (likely as the evil enchantress or Lady Sif, a fellow Norse God), but she's as terrible an actress as Natalie is a good one, so I don't care. This has been your "marginal news (Natalie Portman officially cast in Thor) but really just a big excuse to look at Natalie Portman" movie blog of the day. Happy Tuesday!