Oscar reactions that won't take up your Facebook feed

So last night I decided that, being a movie critic and all, I should live tweet about the Oscars. I have my Twitter feed and my Facebook account linked, so all my friends were showered with status updates every few minutes between the hours of 7:30 and 11 pm last night. Now, I love my friends and family, but some of them were clearly bothered by the frequency of my posts...presumably because they were being prevented from readily seeing other people's status updates, potentially missing gems like "I think root beer is da shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit" or "If I knew it was going to be this hard, I would have chosen a different path, but this is how things are and I'm going to make it through. WE ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE AND I'M GONNA LIVE IT RIGHT NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!!!!!!" Look, I'm not trying to be a dick here, but it was a little weird to see how many people were annoyed that I would be talking repeatedly for a few hours about a major cultural event that I get paid to pay attention to...especially because they could always just, you know, not read them. I mean, sure, people had to suffer the indignity of scrolling down more often if they didn't want to read my stuff, but just consider that me making up for almost never posting insipid passive aggressive status updates aimed at one person in full public view for all to see. I love you all, really I do, and I apologize if I annoyed you. I won't be doing that again for a full year, so you have 365 days to prepare for my 4 hour hijacking of your facebook feeds. I'd start planning now.

Moving on. There were very, very few surprises last night, but here are few thoughts:

• Jeff Bridges had a nice acceptance speech and was clearly moved. It was a fairly weak year, so nobody was out-and-out screwed (except Sam Rockwell who wasn't even nominated). If you wanted to give the dude an acting award, this was the year.
• Sandra Bullock had the best acceptance speech of the night and seems like a total class act. I think she means well, and anytime Hollywood feels like rewarding a former "cutey pie rom-com actress" in her 40s, I think it's pretty great. I know she makes bad movies, and the award was pretty obviously not deserved. Still, she's not even near the worst actress to hoist that statuette, so let's not worry too much about it. What we should worry far more about is getting Julianne Moore her first win. That's insane that she hasn't won yet.
• Kathryn Bigelow's win was more of a highlight to me than any other aspect of the show. Suck a dong, sexist Hollywood. Women CAN and SHOULD be directing far more movies. Their perspective is sorely lacking, their ability to draw out DIFFERENT kinds of performances from actors is needed, and it's high time we start doing a better job integrating women into the field. Bigelow was clearly flattered and a little stunned, but I hope she takes a deep breath and goes on to specifically talk about THAT issue. We don't need you stumping for support of the troops, Kathryn, we all are aware of that notion. We need you championing women directors...ASAP.
• Hurt Locker was a great movie and it was nice to see it kick so much booty. I did wish that Inglourious Basterds would have won something though.
• I quasi-called that Precious win for Adapted Screenplay. A lot of people made note of the fact that Jason Reitman's reputation hurt him. I had no idea he wasn't liked...well, I kind of did but that's a whole other story.
• Although Kate Winslet, Rachel McAdams, and a few others were really stunning, Anna Kendrick won the Best Dressed Smokin' Hottie of the night to me. She looked properly classy and still uber hot. Best Dressed Hunky Hunk would be Jeremy Renner for me, mainly because I think bow ties are silly looking and he wore a regular tie. Plus, I want to have a beer with him as soon as possible. That's a trait you can applaud in an actor, not a president. Just a reminder.
• Shocking moment of the night involving the director of Best Documentary short who got cut off by a seemingly crazy lady turns out to be an interesting tale. She's the producer of the film, and they've had bad blood for a long time now. I don't know who is right and who is wrong, but she came off looking like the second biggest bitch of the night next to Ms. "I already have two of these at home" Costume award winner. I would suggest that she receive some kind of punishment, but she's already cursed with that giant corn cob up her ass. Another odd moment was the director of the ceremony cutting away from the crew for The Cove, who were promoting a cause on stage that won them the award in the first place. Um, let them talk. There's not really a huge "pro-dolphin murder" contingency out there who will be pissed. The only other big shocker was the Best Foreign Film swipe, which again seems to come out of left field but nobody knows shit about the category so nobody talks about it.
• Oh, and the hosts...here's my thought: Don't have them. Unless you're going to really take the gloves off, don't have them at all. They don't serve any purpose and it would save you almost as much time as cutting out the weird "clips from one genre" thing they've been doing lately or the mushroom-enhanced dance numbers. Martin and Baldwin were fine but totally bland. They added nothing. Your choices are getting a clever, funny person to do the whole shebang and letting him or her really go for it, or just not using them. I opt for the latter, I think.
  

Final note: Yes, I lost the Oscar pool to my wife. I lost solely on the Sound Mixing and Sound Editing categories. She went Hurt Locker, I went Avatar because I thought the movie would sweep only the technical categories. Because of this, I must now carry the shame of both her bragging to me in private and the public scorn from people she tells. It's going to be a long 365 days until redemption comes.